Ella'Lin Nicole's Birth Story, Part 1: Pre-Labor

Ella'Lin's birthday was predicted to be January 16, 2011.  That day came... and then passed... with disappointment.  My doctor's appointment for that week was scheduled for Friday, January 21st.  That day, I picked up Israel and we headed to the doctor.  Israel was not in a good place with his job.  He was frequently frustrated with it and hated going to work.  Needless to say, he was not in a very good mood when I picked him up and we bickered the whole time we were together.  So, somewhat to my disappointment, when the doctor said that my blood pressure was high and we should head to Labor and Delivery, I was less than excited.  Instead, I was thinking that my baby was going to come into this world on someone else's terms, with mommy and daddy at odds with each other, and not surrounded by the love she was created by.  I was an emotional wreck.  Israel was being less than pleasant towards me, was exhausted, and ultimately slept through the whole fiasco at labor and delivery while they monitored my heart rate for a few hours.  When we were given the all-clear to go home and "take it easy" he went back to work.  They scheduled me for an induction on Tuesday, January 25, 2011.


I was determined to help Ella'Lin along and let her choose her time to come. 

It was Saturday night, January 22, 2011, and the next day I was going to be exactly 1-week late.  I was getting desperate to finally give birth.  From the beginning of the day, I had a plan and I was going to implement it.

It was my one-year anniversary with Israel.  He had to work that day, but the anniversary was the perfect set up for some much needed oxytocin!  I called my sister that morning and told her I was going to go get a pedicure and invited her along for the ride.  We joked with the ladies at the salon that if they put me into labor, we'd come back and tip them really well... After the salon, we headed to pick up some chocolate covered strawberries and shared in that indulgence.  I went home and rested for a few minutes before Israel called me to come pick him up from work.  I picked him up and he came out dressed in a shirt and tie, ready for our "date."  I wasn't dressed up at all-- not knowing we would be heading straight out, or knowing what we were doing anyway.  We laughed a lot and were getting along perfectly for the evening.  We decided we would grab some dinner and go to a movie-- I chose a chick-flick romantic comedy (oxytocin!!) and he had to agree with it when I gave him my reasoning.  I told him from the get-go when he asked me what I wanted to do, "I want to have a baby tonight."  He never questioned any of my methods for that:  romantic dinner, romantic comedy, romantic evening (hint, hint).


At dinner, he ran next door while we were waiting for our food at Cafe Shambala and bought some chocolate covered berries and other chocolate goodies from Hatch Family Chocolates.  Dinner was served and it was WAY more food than we could have possibly eaten.  Near the end of dinner, I felt like my mucus plug had been expelled, or something similar, and excused myself to the bathroom with some sort of urgency.  I wasn't thinking too much about it, because over the past several days I had experienced more discharge than usual, but hadn't thought too much about it.  This time, the lining of my underwear was quite wet and I thought it was a little strange.  I thought to myself, "Did my water break?"  Either way, I cleaned up, and returned to the restaurant where Israel had packed up our leftovers and was ready to leave.  In the car on the way to the theater I told him that I wasn't sure, but I thought maybe my water broke.  The look on his face was priceless.  It lit up like a kid on Christmas.  "Really!?" I played it down because I didn't want to get him all excited.  He asked me to explain and why I thought it had, and I ultimately decided that it probably wasn't that.


As we were pulling into the theater parking garage, Israel's mom called with her usual check up to see if she had a new grandbaby yet.  We talked to her on speaker phone for several minutes about how we were celebrating our anniversary and that the plan was we were going to have a baby tonight... but if it didn't work, she'd have one by Tuesday (because of the scheduled induction).  She laughed about it, wished us luck, and told us to keep her informed. 


The movie was a funny one.  We spent the movie cracking jokes (too loudly), laughing, and ultimately having a great time.  Throughout the movie, I was having contractions, but not too regularly.  At the end of the movie, the older couple in front of us turned around and said, "You two are hilarious!!  Loud, but hilarious!"  (Ha ha!!)  As a 9-month pregnant woman, of course, before hitting the road I needed to visit the restroom.  As I was squatting over the toilet, I tightened my muscles and realized that I was still dripping-- and it wasn't urine.  Now I was a little bit more certain that my water had released-- but still not positive.  I told Israel as we walked out to the car. 


In the car, we had a discussion about my water breaking, and my contractions, and I estimated that they were less than 10 minutes apart at this point.  We decided that maybe we should call the hospital and see what they told us to do-- if maybe they could give me insight about whether or not my water had broken.  I called and they told us that we could come in and they could test to see if my water had broken.  I told Israel to just drive home for now and we would see how I felt after a little while.  (My biggest concern, strangely enough, was how we were going to "finish the night" not knowing if my water had broken-- after your water breaks, no sex allowed!) ;) 

Insanity Challenge

I've decided that I am ready for a total transformation.... so I am going to do the Insanity Challenge workout.

I saw the infomercial when Ella'Lin was probably just days old while feeding her at 3 a.m. I enjoyed it (not only because of the great shirtless eye-candy) and decided that I should do it to lose my baby weight... of course, that suggestion was met with opposition because I was only barely a week postpartum and needed to take it easy.

But now, so much has changed.

Ella'Lin is over 2 months old.
Israel is gone.
I moved out of my apartment.

I need to complete a change that I can take complete control of-- so I'm doing it.  I should get my videos in the next week and then, IT IS ON.

(I hope my body can keep up.)

Pictures from the Past Several Weeks

"Baby Mama Drama"

It only gets harder to get over what feels like complete abandonment by Israel.  I have gone over it time and time again in my head and I can't figure out exactly why I feel the way I feel.  My psychoanalysis is inconclusive.

I feel like I have been lied to for the past 9 months.  But I know I haven't.  Looking back on it, the only "lie" there is the "We're in this together," lie.  It's hard to believe he really meant that when he set out across the country when she was only 3 weeks old.  I wasn't and am not feeling much "togetherness."

Even through his detachment and distance, I have felt a need to keep him involved.  The first week or two he was gone, I sent pictures, videos, updates of her development and doctor visits.  He never once asked for them. On one or two occasions, he thanked me for them.  It was like I was trying to be mommy and daddy for her by maintaining his relationship with her FOR him.  Eventually, that got to be a drain of energy, mostly emotionally.  The more I did or sent, the less it seemed like he cared.  I was taking it personal.  I decided to protest and stop sending anything until he asked.  After a couple weeks, he finally asked.  I sent an indepth email with a TON of pictures within an hour or so of his text.  Then, virtual silence again.

Then I started wondering if the reason I cared so much had to do with the dreaded "baby mama drama" I always vowed to stay clear of.  I didn't want to be the source of it.  But the more I tried not to be, the more dramatic the situation became.  Taking a step back, some of the communications I had with him definitely could be construed as dramatic.  But what could I say?  I was a single mom, desperately trying to free myself from the stereotype.  And it only deepened the drama.  Let's face it, Krista:  motherhood is dramatic -- with or without a daddy.  I finally had to say, "F- what anyone else thinks."

Ultimately, I figure his friends and family know his personality.  They know that he is not the easiest person to live with.  Maybe they even disagree with his decision to leave us and go to Florida.  I can't please everyone, so I damn well better start by pleasing myself and my baby.  It's just the two of us now... and even though it gets lonely and I frequently find my mind wandering to how life would be different if he had been able to be the man we needed him to be, I couldn't be happier with my baby girl. 

It is true-- there is no getting over a breakup.  Only getting through it. And I'm working hard at it.

I always kept my heart hidden away and so deeply protected inside me... but now, she lives and breathes outside of my body.  It's an even bigger struggle to guard her-- perhaps another reason for the "drama" ?