Negative Nostalgia

This weekend I decided that 5 months should be my limit for doubles volleyball... I played a coed doubles tournament over the weekend and was frustrated with the difficulty of moving around and covering that much court while 5 1/2 months pregnant... so the decision came:  it would be my last doubles tournament this summer.  I think I should still be ok for indoor ball for awhile longer-- with 6 people on the same sized court, it's a little less intense.  But still... I wish I could last for just a few more tournaments since the season is almost over... Oh well... motivation to get back into shape for next summer.

I started developing what felt like "Swimmer's Ear" late Saturday afternoon.  It was particularly strange because I could feel it coming on and getting exponentially worse as time passed.  By the end of the day, my entire ear was sore to the touch and the pain was moving down into my jaw.  After a restless and painful night, my ear and jaw were swollen and I couldn't hear anything out of my ear.  The pain was incredibly intense... I couldn't wait for Monday to come so I could get in to my doctor.  I tried treating the pain with Tylenol, but nothing would touch it.  When I started crying involuntarily from the pain on the way home from my parents' house, Israel took me to an instant-care that was nearby. 

As a side note here... ear infections are probably the one type of infection or pain that I absolutely can not handle.  I turn into an infant child with earaches.  When I was little, I had so many problems with my ears that I was traumatized by.  I had tubes inserted and removed and reinserted... I saw doctor after doctor... and I distinctly remember being rocked by my mom in the rocking chair with hot rags over my ears while I sobbed from the pain... she would be damn-near crying herself as she told me it would all be over soon... that the pain I was feeling was "the good guys fighting the bad guys" inside my ears.  So yes... ear aches are a bad kind of nostalgia for me.

And of course... something I know all too well... that you know it's bad when they look in your ear and say, "Oh wow!" Or make any other sort of similar comment... I think I got all of those "similar comments" tonight.  When the doctor came in (after the nurse had checked it out and verified that it "looked like it hurt") he asked what was up.  I told him, "I think my ear is bubbling over with infection."  He took a look and said, "Well that's a pretty accurate description..."  Apparently, both my inner and outer ear were infected... so the infection was eating away at my ear from both sides of the ear drum... which was suffering from some intense swelling, damn near closing off my ear canal completely.  He said I was lucky that I had decided to come in tonight because by tomorrow, it was very likely that it would have completely swollen shut, making it impossible for any medication to reach the inner ear-- which would have meant hospitalization to treat the infection.  As it was, the swelling was still too bad for medication to reach it without some intervention... Intervention that I could go my entire life without every having to experience again... MOST PAINFUL EXPERIENCE EVER!!!

Essentially, the doctor took a 3/4 inch "wick" and shoved it through the swelling and into my inner ear.  It was to act like a wick in an oil lantern does-- saturate with medicine and deliver that medication to the inner ear.   It sounds like a great plan... but implementing that plan felt like he straight up pierced my ear drum... my incredibly inflamed and infected ear drum.  I'm glad the door to the room was shut to spare the young children in the waiting room from my pained "F...U...C....K!" exclamation through instant tears and clenched teeth.  It took me a few minutes to calm my breathing after that experience.  Israel didn't help much... he wanted to watch and was like, "Damn... that even LOOKED like it would hurt."

Yeah... it did.

So now, after an hour and a half wait at the 24 hour pharmacy I have 3 different medications-- 2 for the infections and 1 for pain because I was definitely going to need it.  I am supposed to go back in tomorrow for the doctor to make sure the meds are getting where they need to and doing their jobs.  I can only hope that removing the wick is absolutely nothing like insertion.

Postpartum Concerns

I've been putting a lot of thought into what is going to happen with the MS postpartum lately. At first, I was kind of just flying the positivity balloon and saying I wasn't going to think much about it because I didn't want to will it to happen... but as I listened to other people's concerns I realized that though in theory that's a great idea, in actuality, it's just plain stupid.

Israel has been concerned with what is going to happen with my health after our baby is born all along.  I think a part of me was afraid to discuss it with him in any detail because I didn't want to scare him with the aspect of taking care of an infant child and me while likely working to support us financially, too. 

Conversations and listening to the concerns of other close friends also got me thinking about it.  Every year, Slumber Parties has its national convention in New Orleans, LA around March - April.  It's a big event where I get the opportunity to cash in on prizes and credits I have been earning all year... so basically, it's a stupid event to miss (they basically pay me to go).  Over this past weekend I was talking with another one of the Slumber Parties girls about how I'm going to pull off getting to New Orleans this year with a newborn baby, when she addressed what I hadn't even thought about!  She said, "I wasn't worried about that part... I was more worried that you wouldn't be able to come because of your MS and something happening with that after the baby is born." How could I have missed that?? Wow. I didn't even think about that being a major limit on my travel plans.  Looks like I'll need an insured ticket...

So basically, it's been on my mind lately.  It seems almost morbid to try to think through it and plan for the worst while hoping for the best, but it also seems like what needs to be done.  I did a little bit of research, too, to find out what exactly the research says I have to be prepared for.  It was actually not too bad.  Basically, it stated that the first 3 months postpartum are the ones with the highest relapse rate.  But in another study, they found that breastfeeding instead of getting back on an MS treatment immediately after giving birth may be beneficial in reducing relapses.  Basically about 50% of women with MS in the study did not breastfeed.  Of those, 87% relapsed in the first 3 months.  Of the other ~50% who breastfed, only 36% relapsed.

Just some interesting things to think about... lucky for me I have great family and friends who are all willing to step in and help me out if/when the time comes.  I just hope they get to help me out with the baby and not my own health.