Kickin' the Crank.

Today, it's official:  I'm kicking the crank.

It's only been a few weeks since I started taking the doctor prescribed drug, Adderral.  And in that 3 weeks, Israel and I have fought more than ever.  We are constantly bickering about something stupid.  I am an emotional wreck! Overly sensitive, easily agitated, and overly aggressive.  I'm sure the combination of steroids that first week didn't help... but there is definitely a big difference in my personality and emotional wellbeing.

At first when Israel mentioned is concern about it, I blew it off.  I thought he was fabricating the whole thing.  I knew he was against the medication to begin with, but I felt like I had no other option at this point and that I may as well try it.  Then, it started to become more and more clear to me that it was definitely not a beneficial thing for me.

My decision was cemented yesterday at the Neurologists' office when both the PA and the Doctor went off on soapbox speeches about how ridiculous it was that the insurance company wouldn't cover Provigil and how Adderral was the very LAST thing I needed.  And obviously... it wasn't worth my relationship.

So, today... I am a little bit tired...

... but I'm not wired and irrationally irritated.

All systems are "GO!"

I had very good intentions of calling the doctor on Monday to see if my blood test results came back for my Tysabri pre-qualification.... but of course, I "forgot."

The doctor was fresh on my mind this morning, though.  I had to do my Avonex injection last night, and of course, it hit me hard this morning.  It actually felt like it hit me harder than usual.  I first awoke at about 3 a.m. and tossed and turned uncomfortably from about 3-4 a.m. wishing I had the strength and energy to get out of bed and medicate some more.  Then this morning before the alarm went off I was already awake and hurting in a bad way.  Israel asked if he could get me anything and I didn't even hesitate:  Lortab. Please. And thank you.  He got me one and I took it then laid with my back to him so he couldn't see that I was crying... it was involuntary crying and I couldn't seem to help it.  When the alarm went off 10 minutes later, I slowly uncurled my aching body and went straight to the shower to get ready... which for anyone who knows me is absolutely not normal for me... but I was hurting and uncomfortable.

When I got to work, I was quite relieved (maybe even excited) when the caller ID showed my neurologist's number. (They're incredibly hard to reach there, so I always appreciate when they call me.)  She asked me a couple clarification questions about my Vitamin D intake and then I took the opportunity to ask her about my blood tests and scheduling a Ty-1 appointment with the PA.  She was like, "Actually, I was calling to do that, too... I'll call and get your labs faxed over as soon as I hang up with you, and then, I know it's short notice, but... can you come in today at 2?"

PERFECT!

Given my poor health lately (and depositions that were supposed to take place this week and ended up not taking place) no clients were scheduled for me today... so it was great timing!  I grabbed the appointment and ran with it. For anyone that has ever worked with specialists in any field, you know that a same day appointment is absolutely unheard of!  The appointment was actually going to be a combined Ty-1 and Ty-2 appointment (Ty-1 being with the PA, then Ty-2 being with the doctor to sign remaining paperwork) and was supposed to take about an hour combined.

Of course, It took closer to 2 hours and 15 minutes... but I wasn't complaining.  I took advantage of the appointment with the PA and made sure that I asked ALL my questions.  She's easier to talk to because she's generally less rushed and more concerned than the doctor.  So I took a great deal of time with her talking about my concerns (and Israel's) and then headed over to the doctor for an expected quick 10 minute visit.  She was sweet because she gave Israel some real encouragement about being a good partner through this whole thing-- dealing with my emotions, irritability, etc. (And confirmed that it was not me-- it was the medications.)

But aside from the helpfulness of the PA and her friendliness and ability to answer all my questions and relieve some of my fears and concerns, the highlight of my day (maybe even my WEEK!) came from Dr. Foley:

"No more Avonex shots.  Last night was your last one."

No more water-pounding.
No more pre-medicating.
No more needles.
No more Sharps containers.
No more Avonex "hangovers."
No
More.

I think my heart even smiled a little bit at that moment.  I could have cried actual real happy/relief tears.

Best.News.Ever.

Zombified.

The effects of the steroids are catching up with me today.

I feel like a zombie.

I feel unstable, both physically and mentally.  I've had some serious vertigo issues today and feel like I've been running into a lot of different things today.  The dizziness is a physical dizziness and a mental one.

My head is unclear;
My mind is uneasy;
My body is unstable.

I think tonight I might be able to sleep.  It sounds like it could be a cure-all.

It's nearly 3 a.m. and not surprisigly, I'm still awake. Not much has really gotten done except I labeled 250 Slumber Parties catalogs. Sounds very meth-spicious, doesn't it? Time to take matters into my own hands...

"Abba zaba, you my only friend!"

Sleepless in SLC

I started my first day of Solu-medrol today. Yippee! {obvious sarcasm}

And, right on cue... it's midnight... and I am W-I-D-E awake.

Between the steroids and the adderol, I am quite cracked out.  I feel like a meth-addict or something... I'm pretty sure I'm difficult to talk to right now, I'm fidgety as all hell, and I'm talking like 100 mph and A LOT!  I met with my new girl that just signed up for Slumber Parties today at like 7:15 and sat and talked her ear off until about 9:30.  (We did have a good time though!)  BUT... then I was an hour late to the dinner my boyfriend had cooked for me... :-(

I should have remembered to ask for sleeping meds. Oops.

Intense!

I'm having a very slow moving day today.  I looked at the clock a few minutes ago and thought, "Damn... is it really 4:00?"  I went to lunch with a girlfriend at 1:00 p.m. and got back shortly after 2:00 p.m.  I was thinking I'd get some stuff done around the house since Iz was gone.  I sat down on the bed to take off my shoes... and the next thing I know, it's 4 o'clock.

I'm exhausted!!  I'm so tired of being tired all the time.  I'm pretty relieved that my party cancelled tonight.  I wanna spend some time with my man!

My party last night ended with quite the drama.  I was in the ordering room with my hostess finalizing her order when I hear the girls out front trying to rationalize with an angry man who had just pushed in.  My hostess recognized the voice, apparently, and tried real quickly to lock the bedroom door.  She was too late.  Her boyfriend pushed open the door and starting yelling at her, cursing profusely.  Then, he turned on me.  My heart was pounding.  All I could think was "I wanna get the hell out of here! Fuck this!" I asked him calmly to give me a couple minutes to finish up then I'd pack up and be gone.  He didn't like that at all.  He got closer to me and kept up the yelling.  "Get the fuck outta my house NOW!!" He didn't stop.  I changed my plan and told him I just needed to pack up my stuff and I'd be gone.  I started packing up my bags with him breathing down my neck the entire time.  I couldn't get out of that house fast enough.

When I left, my hostess asked me to call the police for her.  I made sure she'd be ok, suggested she take the kids and leave with one of her girlfriends, then left myself.  I called the police before I was even off her street.  Poor girl!  That shit stressed the hell out of me... I can't even imagine what it does to her regularly!

It was an intense night. 

Maybe I earned my exhaustion this time.  I'm very deserving of some rest.