Naivety

I was such a naive person. I didn't think so then, but looking back, I was incredibly naive.

That Friday was like any other. Especially any other recent Friday. Andrew had been seeing doctor after doctor to try to figure out where the impressive rash came from. Earlier that day, he was sent for a CT scan. I got off work to go sit with him and keep him company while he drank his contrast. We just hung out in the waiting room until it was his turn. I was disappointed when they made me continue to wait in the lobby. Then, it was over. I went back to work. He went home to rest.

When I got home from work, Andrew was sitting in the dark on the couch with his phone in his hand. The mood in the room was somber and eery. I sat next to him on the couch, let out my usual "glad to be home" sigh, and waited for some sort of action on his part. My boss had bought us Harry Potter tickets for opening night and the show was in a few hours. I had been busy during the day coordinating with my parents since we had given my dad 2 extra tickets for his birthday. But something wasn't right. Then it came out.

"The doctor called."

"Oh? What did she say?"

He was hardly audible. He mumbled something about them finding out what was wrong. CT Scan. Lymph nodes. Oncologist. Lymphoma. Huntsman. These words popped out at me. I could hardly hear anything else Andrew said while I studied the key words in my head. He said that I needed to call the doctor. Apparently the doctor had explained things to Andrew, but Andrew wanted her to explain them to me, too.

As I dialed the number, my heart was pounding. For so long now, we had just wanted to know what this was... and now, I wasn't so sure I ever wanted to know. I wanted to hang up the phone, hug my husband, and go to the movie. Not tonight. I didn't want to know. The phone rang. Huntsman Cancer Hospital. That word sent a shudder through my body. I asked for the oncologist on-call, as instructed.

The oncologist went through the explanation. The CT scans got in her hands after the dermatologist was skeptical about what she was seeing. We needed to get up there now. Andrew looked like he had Hodgkin's Disease. This was not near as scary as before. The word disease was a much nicer word than cancer. I tried to calm my fears by asking questions. I told her that he was a full-time student-- we both were-- and that we had finals coming up shortly. I told her it was important for us to not miss classes this close to the end of the semester. I asked her if we could get treatment started right away so he could get back to school for finals. She must have realized my naivety at that moment.

"Honey, he won't be going back to school this semester."